This is a lil something from a book I am writing, enjoy...
Part one (Loving yourself...) was a little watered down, so that feelings may not get hurt... Part 2 is a little more honest, so check your feelings at the door.
**This does not pertain to ALL people.
Lately the Independent woman has been on the rise, I am loving and respecting this movement... but I HATE a certain answer I am given when I ask what their motivation for change was. The most common answers that I receive are "Because I know my worth", and "Im going to just do me, and when he is ready, then I will be"... Below you will find my honest opinion and response.
1. Being an Independent woman means
A. Not relying on others for support, care, or funds; self-supporting.
B. Providing or being sufficient income to enable one to live without working
If any of the above do not apply... you are NOT an Independent Woman, BUT its ok NOT to be! Women find great joy in walking around yelling "I don't need a man, I don’t need a man!" YES YOU DO. Want to have a child? Want to have that masculine body pressed up against yours? Expecting doors to magically open, or seats to magically be pulled out? Need that bottle of pickles opened?" I’m not saying you can't do the majority of these on your own... but If you want to be treated like a lady, allow a man to be a man, because ALL men will NEVER fall into the "NO GOOD" Category.
2. Speaking of "No Good Men"
That the HELL is that???!!! Maybe you are "No Good" in choosing who you allow to take up space in your life. Do you think that by yelling out there aren't any good men in the world, so that all men can hear, will get those "Good Men" to notice you?! I can take an educated guess and say, hell to the naw. First, SHUT UP!... Second, please realize that ALL of the men in the world don't live in your vicinity, furthermore, I’m pretty sure you won't find the man of your dreams in the club, expecting for him to NOT stare at your legs and tits, and give you the respect and or notice the dignity that your parents instilled in you.
Don't get me wrong though, Brothas in the club come correct. They smell good, dress as fly as they want to, and if they utter those dangerous words "What’s up ma"... our boobs perk up like radar, and knees knock just a tad, but what will you REALLY get out of this encounter? 9 times out of 10, it will be 2 songs to grind to, a phone number, and a hook up. (Shout out to that 1% who have found their love in the club)
Back to My topic
3. Do you really know your "Worth"
You can't put a price on yourself, unless you are selling something. This is one of my MOST hated statements. If you knew your "Worth" in the first place, you wouldn’t have allowed yourself to be in the situation that you find yourself in right now. We all make our mistakes, trust me... I know, but how many times are we going to make the same one, before we ask that vital question, "What the hell was I thinking?".
My suggestion is to you is that you love yourself first. Simple huh?... no not simple at all. This takes time. What is scary is that I know women who don't even know their bra sizes, but expect men to buy them Victoria Secrets... you are NOT winning, that is NOT loving yourself. What are YOUR hobbies (Separate from, and not including him). What is your most inner desire (aside from marrying him, having his baby, and having a happy life... with him). What is YOUR 5 year goal (excluding him... do you get my drift?)
Loving yourself, having a goal, knowing exactly what you want in life, and what you need to get these wants are essential because, it informs him of how you need to be loved, allows him to support you when you need it the most, and know what you want so that he can assist you with your needs.
At this point, I hope that you realize you are more than worth, you are priceless and if any man were to treat you less than this... not only is he not worthy of you, he doesn't know who you are, and doesn't deserve the time that you are giving him. This world is too LARGE to allow someone to make you think that their "love" is the best that you can get... NO ONE can love you better than YOU can. (But God)
4. What in the world is "Doing me?"
If you weren't doing you before, what were you doing? This has to be one of the dumbest statements I have heard, not only have I been guilty of saying this... I am guilty of once believing that I was "Doing Me". For one, I only said it to get a response out of him. When that failed, I went to "Do Me" and found myself doing the exact same thing I did every day... NOTHING. I only said it to make him jealous, but why? The response I got from him was silence... and he went on to "do him" as well and cheated... so where in this story was I winning?
Stop kidding yourself. Say what you want to say and be done with it. Men are not mind readers, even though we may see them as super heroes sometime. We are too old to beat around the bush and play elementary school "what am I thinking?". This also goes along with knowing what you want. When you know who you are and what you want, it’s easier for you to communicate these things, and cuts out the drama.
5. What are you waiting for?
Any man worth waiting for, will never make you wait. Not sure what else to say about that.
You have the right to be loved more than anything in the world, to feel appreciated, to be flaunted, bragged upon, and spoiled.
You will know when someone loves and adores you by the way that you are treated, the same will go for those who don't love and adore you. I spent YEARS being in "relationships" where I was treated as if I was someone to be ashamed of. I was taken out only at night, They would only come over during the day, instead of going out to eat, we would stay in, where I cooked, Movies were always redbox or netflix, they would disappear days at a time... and almost all of them would say how I was going to make someone happy one day. Not only did I realize these things were not love, and that they were just ways to "keep" me around... I realized I DIDN'T LOVE myself
It is normal to want to take things slow, how slow though, is up to you. Women, we get to a point in our lives where we realize that if he doesn't know by now, then we have our answer, and the strength to walk away. Most times we get stuck because we feel that no one can love us better... again, Love yourself.
6. Check yourself from time to time
My Aquarius heart keeps me in love and on cloud nine, thinking that nothing can touch it, clouding my judgments on the boundaries and limits I set for myself. Sometimes, we need to take "Me time" to keep us grounded, and on track. You can't get played, if you don't give up the controller.
Till we meet again,
Love Yourself
Loving-Overcoming-Venturing-Enduring
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