Rules that I had for myself as a single woman, and I love to share with young, single women... Enjoy!
1. Loving anyone more than you love yourself will leave you in a lot of trouble. This trouble can change your life forever. How can you set the standard for someone to love you, when you have a hard time looking in the mirror and honestly loving everything about you.
2. Give yourself a "sex standard"... whether its 90 days or a year, make it, and stick to it. Let’s be honest, sex is something we all need. It’s in our nature, but if you keep yourself open like 7-11, he will come around because your "open" not because your "porkchop" made him fall in love with your intelligence. Now this isn’t true for all men, but waiting before you give up the goods, will filter out those with bad intentions, but if you’re one of those women, who just want the sex, then go for what you know... and wrap it up... because women of color lead the country in HIV/AIDS. Men get to poke around the women they want, but we have to actually invite them into our bodies therefore into our heart. Im sure I don’t have to get into how sex works, and is different for men and women.
3. Establish yourself. You don’t need a man to do this for you. Im not telling you to go around yelling that you don’t need a man, cause truthfully, you do. We all do. We are not designed to do it all, nor were we created to be alone. All I’m saying is that it is a turn off to have a women feel that they are entitled to what is in a man’s pockets. If he feels like he is going to spoil you, then so be it. This brings me to my next point…
4. Have a “Man Standard”. You hold more power than you think. My brother in law told me that if it wasn’t for my sister, he wouldn't be the man he is today. If you are going to settle for someone who is content at his minimum wage job, not involved in any orgs, clubs, or extracurricular activities. Enjoys being home, watching t.v, video games, and staying in for dinner ONLY… then that is all you. If you can see your life like this for ever, then more power to you. But for those of us who work hard because we want more, we have to give ourselves standards. Personally I prefer a man who has graduated college, who is hard working, knows how to have fun and VERY social. He has to be kind, caring, secure with who he is, and can hold a conversation that keeps me laughing. As I have gotten older, I am more comfortable with a man who has children, but he has to be a GREAT father.. I mean, if you decided to have children with him… you need to get a preview. I know that all situations are different, so I am flexible, but it starts with a goal. Trust me, men have goals too… theirs may be a little superficial or cosmetic, but hey… They have them, and we either abide, or they get rid of us. So why should we settle?
5. If you are involved with someone who lives long distant, dont always offer yourself to travel. If you notice your buying tickets, renting cars, buying dinner, paying for movies, and catering to this person all the time, step back and look at this picture. Is it lopsided? I will only say this, anyone who really wants to be with someone will PROVE IT…. And in this case you have proven yourself ENOUGH.
6. Have goals whether it be school, work, love, friends family etc. you have to have something to work towards, or you will be lost in this world unaccomplished.
7. Its hard to disrespect a respectful person
8. Everything you do now affects your future, no matter how you want to look at it.
9. DO everything it is that you want, because there is no such thing as you can’t. if there is something want, or somewhere you want to go… its called hard work/and prayer.
10. If you are seriously looking to be in love… don’t waste your time on those who you know won’t be around.
11. Love doesn’t include someone telling you where you can/cannot go, what to wear, who to hang with, or threatening to break up with you every other day if you don’t “listen” to their demands. Being in love doesn’t always mean you are meant to be with them, and in most cases, your “love” is actually a “like” that you are forcing because you are afraid of being alone.
12. Don’t take ISH from anyone, friends, family, significant others etc. we know right from wrong. Don’t allow anyone to run over you again and again. Speak up and learn how to advocate for yourself. There is a reason you have a voice, and there is NO need to be afraid of anyone else’s.
13. Take responsibility for your actions. Telling a lie take more effort to cover it up than just telling the truth. Apologize when needed and show people that you are responsible by owning up, and trying to fix whatever the situation.
14. Carry yourself with some form or respect. If you choose not to, just don’t expect anyone to respect you.
15. It is never ok to have someone invade your private space and for them to touch you in areas where you did not give them permission. If this happens TAKE CARE OF IT IMMEDIATELY. Try not to have yourself in situations where a person might feel comfortable in doing so. I found myself in this situation while attending a party, and someone who I was seriously thinking about giving a shot, reached under me and touched my chocha, as I danced with a girl friend of mine. This was done in the presence of people I have in my everyday circle, and though alcohol was involved, there is no excuse. Telling this person to keep their hands off of me did not suffice. I was having fun, and did not say it with the authority I should have for lack of wanting to make a scene, but inside I was hurting and it affected me for weeks, until I expressed how I felt. Though he apologized, I will never see him as I did before, and if there was anything between us, it is smashed. We have to have respect for ourselves; you can’t allow people to think its ok to disrespect you.
16. Friends come and go.. no need to chase them, cause if they are not contacting you, you are not their priority... continue on your own journey. those who care will show you, those who don't, well they will too.
17. Do you take them out to dinner, lunch, movies etc? I think this is fine.. but wait… are they calling you to do the same? Are they even calling you outside of wanting to “come though”? no?... ok well no need to go any further. He’s just not THAT into you. But I am sure there is someone else who is. Spend your time with that person and you might be surprised.
I hope you enjoyed the read!
Until next time... LOVE yourself!~ CeCe
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