One of the hardest things to prepare for as a spouse is a Permanent Change of Station (PCS) especially if you are leaving behind friends, family, work, school etc.
If you are a spouse that doesn't work, is a stay at home mom, and has no ties to the community, a PCS might not be as difficult for you, as it is for many others. You wait for months, in some cases years, to receive the news that you will be assigned to a new base/post/etc. that you hand picked with your significant other on their "Dream Sheet". Many are disappointed, while others are extremely ecstatic... and then you have those that are in between.
Me for instance, we recently received notice that we will be moving to Shreveport Louisiana. On the upside it isn't North Dakota, where I prayed every day we wouldn't go, and then again it isn't Georgia, where our families were just a few hours away, or overseas where I could get some more traveling in.
Once I learned about the new assignment I jumped right in. Adding FB pages, trying to make connections, looking for Realtors, jobs, activities, ANYTHING that would help me develop a connection to an unfamiliar place.
What I found put me in a slight stage of frustration. Speaking with many other wives, I learned that I am a rarity as I have no children. I guess I can forget about all the birthday parties or play dates. So I focus my energy on employment. In the FB groups I ask for any advice on the job markets for spouses with multiple degrees and experience and I get nothing. Not a single response. A few days later I got a FB message stating that "these groups are probably not the best places to ask about employment. Many of the wives here don't work, don't want to work, rather stay at home with the kids, or don't have the education to find a job". Talk about an empty feeling. I began to feel that in this unfamiliar place, not only will I not be able to find a job, I also won't be able to find friends for my much needed WINE NIGHTS!!
I recently moved back to the states after a year of Teaching English in Korea. I am not working now, and its hard to tell employers that you will be relocating in a few months. So within there is almost a "need" to begin working right away. I decided that I could possibly make things easier by finding employment in Louisiana and moving there before my hubby moves back to the States, so I began my feverish scavenger hunt for a job.
Contrary to popular belief, there are plenty of "Military wives" who don't live in the shadows of their husband's jobs and who enjoy separating their personal lives from the military happenings. I just so happen to be one of those people. I love to volunteer, help my husband with events on base etc., etc., but I have also worked very hard for my education, have learned a lot from my travels, and have an extensive employment history that is non military related, but with wanting to make everything perfect, by becoming knowledgeable, resourceful, and employable, I realize everything has been about me and how I am feeling. For weeks my husband has repeatedly told me to enjoy my down time, not worry about getting a job, focus on doing things that make me happy, etc. I didn't hear any of that. I was trying not to fit into the stigma of being a "military wife" with no real duties. Not once realizing what this PCS really means!
This move is significant because it will be the first time that we will live together in our first home that we own in our journey together.
We are no longer meeting and growing together in America
I am no longer in America while here is in Korea
I am no longer in America while he is in Italy
I am no longer in Italy with the man that I love
I am no longer in Korea while he is in Italy
We are no longer in love in Korea
I will no longer be in America while he is back in Korea
We will be together as one, in America, in Shreveport... Alone.
In this move we will have each other to lean on, and I have no problem with putting my work (needs lol)aside. My love will have his job, and will need me to take care of the move and everything that makes a home a home.
SO, what is my job now? well I made a list of things I can keep busy with to go along with my personal one, if you are trying to keep busy during a PCS, here are some things you can do:
Find a travel agency if the military isn't going to be moving your things
Find a Realtor
Begin looking for houses with your specific needs
Research schools in the area and neighborhoods
Research the city
Find Facebook Groups for the base
Contact the Family Readiness center
Locate the city website and check out their calendar for community happenings
plan and decorate your "new home"
keep track of when your spouse has an important turn in date for his their new base, and help where possible.
Check out the meetup groups
Map out how long it will take you to travel to your friends in the surrounding areas
Take time to gather your thoughts and write them all down, it is therapeutic.
** Next Blog: Tips for a successful PCS move **
Is this my job from now on? yes. Is it permanent? absolutely not. Am I happy? OMG YES
When my husband needs me, I turn into Super Woman and I love it! I am the woman he loves and married, the one who he knew would make a home for him if he provided her with one....and so, I find myself in a new chapter, an unfamiliar, confusing one at times, but a new journey non the less.
I am learning that this "house wife" thing isn't as easy as people think, but will be okay for the moment.
He needs me... it gave me the freedom to finally breath, and in the breathing I found many entrepreneurial skills that I never knew existed... he may get his wish, and I may get mine too.
Until next time, if you find some down time, focus on what has always been inside of you.
CC
